Fledglings

I am watching my cats climb everything in the house because I've refused them freedom until the family of robins in the adjacent tree has their fledglings skyward!!  Twice my female cat has escaped and within minutes had a fledgling in her paws.  We have chased her down each time and the fledgling once has been returned to the tree in a shoebox nest because we could not reach the original nest and the following time it was able to retreat on its own.


It means a lot to me to protect the baby robins and help the parents keep their family together.  Most of us regardless of our prejudices will go above and beyond to protect the young.


In my own home this past week, I have at times felt that my young are my oppressors.  Keeping me from sanity, pulling me from my puttering and willful procrastinating of cooking.  At three o'clock this morning I woke with the realization that my only oppressor is my fear (not a new thought) and that fear makes me insane.  It stops me from allowing the divine order.  It impairs my clear thought and mindfulness of my breath, in fact it stops my breath entirely.


I have a teenager and a teenager in the home, perhaps especially the first one, reminds you of all the hopes you've ever had for yourself and your children.  It is a mid-point in childhood (based on the brain development studies that indicate completion to be around 24 years old.)  Watching my teen wriggle through these years I pray to have given more love, more support, more grounding and stability, to have somehow blessed him with the ability to circumvent all the strife of the teen years, of all the years.  It is in my fear of failure and my lack of trust that there is deeper struggle between us, (which is normal of course) struggle that knocks me in the chest and inhibits my own continued growth.  It is the fear of cats and high trees and falls without cushions.  It is the crumbling nest around him that has served it's purpose and breaks apart to be part of the world below.


I wake up and write two words on my hands (in invisible ink), "SHUT UP" and "TRUST"!   Perhaps "shut up" is harsh, I encourage my kids to say "please be quiet," but I need something a bit stronger to overcome my propensity to go "there".  "Trust," that's a mantra that I have to renew constantly.  It is the truth!


Still as the nest breaks apart and the fledglings are able to avert dangers and learn to fly, the robin parents scream and shout when we pull in the driveway, or (wrinkle brow) when the feline attacks.  They chirp and call constantly for their children, who are now scattered, and still bring them worms and such.  This is nature, of which I am a part.